Wednesday, October 22, 2008

One Ranchero at a Time...

Throughout the annals of history, the weak and vulnerable have been endlessly exploited by those in positions of power - in short "the man" has been sticking it to the little guy for years.

With that said, allow me to tell you an inspiring tale of one young man who is turning the tables, sticking it right back to the man; a modern day Robin Hood.

See, my good friend Cunn has recently decided to strike back at the corporate powers that oppress him. Cunn is a student at one of the many state and community colleges in the great and glorious Commonwealth of Massachusetts. He is currently living at home and commuting to classes each day, and as such has been forced to purchase a parking pass for the school's lots at the completely unreasonable price of $146 per semester.

Cunn is clearly not happy about this, and is even less so due to the fact that, and I quote, - "I have to drive around the pahkin' lot for a fuckin' half hour every mornin' to find a god damn space."

"I literally have to stalk people while they're walking to their cars and steal their spaces," he says.

So, last week, Cunn informed me that he's had enough - and he's striking back.

How you ask?

Ranchero style.

Cunn has been stealing Ranchero sandwiches from the school's cafeteria during lunch. And he plans on doing so until he's stolen, that's right, $146 worth of Ranchero's - just enough to make up for his parking permit.

According to him, the caf is set up like a one way street, in the entrance and then out near the registers at a separate exit. The drinks, however, are positioned right at the entrance, so Cunn, each day after grabbing his Ranchero, pretends like he forgot to grab a drink and doubles back toward the entrance. He checks to make sure the coast is clear, snags a coke, and walks right back out the way he came in.

Cunn, taking down the man... One Ranchero at a time.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

D Miles and More Ways to be Unproductive at Work

Allow me to present to you excepts from a series of real emails that occupied a solid half hour of my day at work this morning:

* * * *
From: JR
To: B
Subject: How are things going in the bureau

Hey B, just checking on how things are working out for you in the bureau now that I transfered. You hanging in there?

By the way, enjoy: www.**********.com/****/**** (this was a link to a news story about a moose that tried to mate with a man's pick up truck. I swear to god that's really what it was, you can't make this shit up)

* * * *
From: B
To: JR
Subject: RE: How are things going in the bureau

Things are going O.K. so far. Not as much sports talk going on now that you left, but JC (the new kid) knows his NBA, so we have the occasional debate about whether the Celts can repeat.

Great story by the way, would have been better if the moose tried to get it on with some obese guy though, would've made for a much funnier pic.

* * * *

From: JR
To: B
Subject: RE: How are things going in the bureau

I know dude, that would have been hilarious. This one's even better:

www.********.com/*******/******** (this was a link to a news story about a woman arrested for chasing little kids and cursing at them while wearing a cow suit. It included a mug shot of woman still in the suit. Once again, you can't make this shit up)

Which side of the Celtics debate are you on anyway.

* * * *

Now, I'm going to skip the meat of this debate to get to the part that really matters...

* * * *

From: JR
To: B
Subject: RE: How are things going in the bureau

I think they've got a solid bench still, and a lot of good young talent. Posey was great to have around, but Miles could more than duplicates his stats...

James Posey (31 years old) career stats: 7.4 ppg, 4.4 rpg
Darius Miles (27 tomorrow) career stats: 10.6 ppg, 5.2 rpg

* * * *

From: B
To: JR
Subject: RE: How are things going in the bureau

Correction to D Miles career stats:

Darius Miles (27 tomorrow) career stats: 10.6 ppg, 5.2 rpg, 1.7 bspg (blunts smoked per game)

Seriously, I love DM, but the dudes already got a 10 game suspension for violating league substance policies and the season hasn't even started. Him and Ricky Williams should get a timeshare in Jamaica together.

* * * *

Going to be a great season...

Between Pauly Pierce claiming he's the best player in the NBA, Smoka D Miles joining the squad, and the inevitable "Sam Cassell is a washed up ball hog" controversy, it's going to be a hell of a ride - and I'm just glad to be here for it.

Props to Patrick O'Bryant, who looked great in tonight's pre-season match up against Philly. Better watch out Perk-a-lerk, Obie could be gunning to steal some PT from you and Big Baby...

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Intro

I have been told by friends to start a blog.

I've been told it's a good idea, and it might help get me some exposure if it takes off. See, I'm an aspiring writer in need of an audience - and according to many of my idiot friends, blogging could be a way to gain one.

So, given that you now know the above information, you may wonder why my name isn't attached to the bottom of this blog. Well, allow me to answer your question. The most intriguing part of this whole blogging phenomenon, in my opinion, is the anonymity which it is capable of providing.

As an aspiring writer, I'm currently employed as a reporter with a small New England newspaper. Being such, there are things I'll post on this space I might not want the 60-something-year-old woman who's involved with the local church group, who I'm trying to convince I'm a nice kid so I can use her as a source for my day job, to know.

Like my current opinion of Justin Masterson for instance, who just faced two batters, gave up two hits and joined Hideki Okajima in collectively sucking their way to letting the Angels back into Game 4 of the ALDS.

So, with all that said, what you can expect to see in this space from here on out is my unfiltered and biased opinion on all things relevant to a 22-year-old male from just north of Boston, Mass., - sports, beer, friendships, relationships (necessarily, yes necessarily, in that order... ha ha... no, no... I joke, I kid) and anything else I damn well please to pollute cyberspace with.

P.S. - Thank you Jason Bay and Jed Lowrie!! Who'da thunk it'd be J & J Hit Factory getting us out of this one. Kudos boys; time to cowboy up for (can't believe I'm actually writing this!?!) Tampa. It's gonna be a hell of an ALCS.

More to come soon.