tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692041022850333102024-03-13T23:36:31.768-04:00Boston LagerThe raw and unfiltered opinions of some 25-year-old guy from 20 miles north of Boston. Sports, beers, friends, family and stories you hope your kids will never hear...-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-85107046712998649732013-08-13T19:10:00.001-04:002013-08-13T19:16:15.583-04:00Riley Cooper's an idiot, but...... but, to his credit, he did just spawn one of the greatest and most offensive fantasy football team names ever.<br />
<br />
I give you "Hanging, with Mr. Cooper".<br />
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If you're gonna be dumb (and racist), Riley, you gotta be tough. Hope you're preparing yourself for a season chock full of well-deserved jokes and locker room beatings at your expense.<br />
<br />-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-73545645529945483372012-04-18T17:03:00.001-04:002012-04-18T17:04:39.666-04:00Waiting for the bottom to drop...<br />
It hit me last night as I watched Rajon Rondo writhing in pain on the hardwood after this mid-air collision with the Knick's Tyson Chandler sent him crashing to the ground, tailbone first: <br />
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<br />
I've been waiting for the bottom to drop out.<br />
<br />
I have dismissed. I have tempered. Unlike one <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1UjhUrOYXY" target="_blank">Mr. Rod Stewart</a>, I have looked to find a reason to disbelieve. So, here I stand, guilty as self-accused, ready to confess my sins.<br />
<br />
For the better part of the last month and a half, as I've watched my beloved Celtics win 21 of their last 30 contests - many against some of the top teams in this lockout shortened NBA season - I've been curtly and systematically dismissing endless streams of, "You know, the Celts might have one run left in em..." comments. In fact, I've been doing it so often, it's developing into a perfectly rehearsed monologue:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Yeah, I know they look good right now, but nothing has changed... they still can't rebound... they're offense still relies too heavily on their jumpers falling... they still lack depth... the bench can't score and blows leads... Sasha Pavlovic is being counted upon for meaningful minutes... the same problems that existed pre- All-Star break persist, they just haven't been exposed. They will be. Ultimately, they'll give up too many offensive boards to a team they should have put away in a must win playoff game, and an abundance of second chance points will propel said team past the Celts and into the next round and relegate Danny Ainge to a long summer of, "Should I? Shouldn't I?," in regard to resigning KG and/or Ray Allen."</blockquote>
<br />
In fact, as recently as two and a half weeks ago, in a conversation with a friend, I stated that the only playoff-bound team the Green could take in a 7-game series was Orlando. I don't believe that now, and I didn't believe it then either.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
You have to understand, this particular Celtics squad was dead back in mid-febuary; a barley .500 team limping toward the All-star break, an aging has-been looking to trade whoever they could to salvage some semblance of a future.The Big 3 era was over. Garnett, and even the ageless Ray Allen, looked old. Peirce was out of shape and playing poorly. Rondo's brilliance was persistent, but inconsistent enough to raise doubts about just where the franchise was headed. Jeff Green's absence due to his heart condition was just a cold reminder of what had transpired in the previous two seasons: the Perkin's injury, the Game 7 I've all but "Eternal Shunshin-ed" from my mind, the trade that slapped Unbuntu in the face.<br />
<br />
This was how it was all coming to an end. I was angry. I was defiant. I was grief-stricken. I was saddened. I, along with many of my friends who bleed green, mourned the end of Big 3 era, and then laid the team to rest. We moved on and looked to the future.<br />
<br />
Then March and April happened. The Celltics, the Big 3 Celtics, were back from the dead. I saw. But I did not believe.<br />
<br />
The games rolled on, and I made excuses.<br />
<br />
They went 9-4 out of the break? The only quality team they beat were the Clippers.<br />
<br />
They beat the Heat in Boston? The Heat shot atrociously and beat themselves.<br />
<br />
The almost, shoulda, woulda, coulda beat the Spurs? But they didn't!<br />
<br />
They beat the Pacers and the 76ers? Ok.<br />
<br />
They beat the Heat in Miami? I... I ain't sayin' nothin. They can't rebound.<br />
<br />
They beat the Hawks, in OT, 22 hours later? ...............<br />
<br />
It wasn't until Rondo went down last night, in the brief seconds when I thought "Oh shit, what if this is season-ending?," that I fully realized what had been going on in my head - why I had been making excuses for the teams they were beating, and why I had been trying so vehemently to convince myself that what my eyes were seeing wasn't real. I was just afraid, like a person seeing a long-lost loved one for the first time, that if I reached out an touched it, it would all just disappear.<br />
<br />
Look, the Celtics still can't rebound. They still need to find more scoring off the bench. They still rely too heavily on their jumpers. But, I don't care. Fact is, they've been playing the best basketball I've seen them play in a long time for the last 6-weeks, and they've even got some of that old swagger back. And Mikael Pietrus and Ray Allen could both be coming off the bench for them come playoff time. <br />
<br />
Yeah, the Celtics lost that game to the Knicks last night. But Steve Novak and J.R. Smith shot the lights out, and the Celts still managed to put up over 100-points.<br />
<br />
And we always make excuses for the ones we love.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-16494353360304293532012-04-11T15:06:00.003-04:002012-04-11T17:30:28.403-04:00"Been dunkin' since a young'n like..."<br />
Unless you're a big NBA fan, like myself, or someone who happened to watch SportsCenter yesterday, chances are you haven't heard of Kenneth Faried.<br />
<br />
Well, allow me to introduce you:<br />
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<br />
Faried, the Denver Nuggets rookie forward out of Moorehead State, has been all over ESPN and ESPN.com since posting a 27-point, 17 rebound game against the Warrioirs on Monday night. It was a breakout performance from the 6"8', 228 lb, dreadlocked force of nature, who has earned himself the nickname "Man-imal".<br />
<br />
(As fitting a s "Man-imal" is, I'm still fond of "The Predator", and with his shot-blocking abilities in the post, think it's just as fitting: see<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydLtteyzLg8" target="_blank"> here</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAtYl3luh7U" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_cJrRtiAIw" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6_C8-Gb9xg" target="_blank">here</a>, and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp-6zN-x-co" target="_blank">here</a> for evidence.)<br />
<br />
But to anyone who's been paying attention over the last few months, Faried's breakout game should come as no surprise.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Since getting a massive boost in minutes in mid-February - from a paltry 10 mpg in the 6 games he appeared in prior to being inserted into the regular rotation, to 23.5 mpg since - Faried has been averaging 10.8 pts and 7.9 rebs per game for the Nuggets, who, if they can hold off Phoenix and Utah, could be headed for the 8-seed in a highly competitive Western Conference.<br />
<br />
Even more impressive than that, Faried's level of play, both defensively and offensively, has steadily improved over that time frame<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span></span>. A high energy player who has traditionally relied heavily on his freakish athleticism to overpower opponents, he's beginning to show a real understanding of the game, and is developing some nice little weapons to help him succeed in the pros, like his <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2VnAvckQVI&feature=player_embedded" target="_blank">recently added (and nicely executed) hook-shot</a>.<br />
<br />
We here at The Lager Sports Division have been keeping an eye on Faried for some time now, and couldn't be more thrilled at his recent success. It started before last year's draft with his Moorehead State highlight tape (complete with an original track with one hell of a hook!!!):<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=369204102285033310#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></span></a></div>
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We're expect big things to come from Man-imal, and will be keeping an even closer watch on him as the post-season rolls right around the corner. We think you should do the same. After all, if anyone's poised and ready to deliver some nasty post-season highlights, it's someone who's "been dunkin' since a young'n like Kenneth Farieeeeed".</div>
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<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt;">[1]</span></span></span> Over
Faried's first 10 games as a member of the regular rotation, he averaged 9.3
ppg and 7.2 rpg. Over his last 10, he's bumped those numbers to 12.0 ppg and
7.9 rpg.</div>
</div>
</div>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-66376988696837305972012-04-10T17:07:00.000-04:002012-04-10T17:19:02.675-04:00The genius of "Big Beer"....<br />
This morning, I stumbled across something that left me standing in awe of the brilliant marketing minds at Anheuser-Busch In-Bev.<br />
<br />
Good people, I give you the <a href="http://www.draftmark.com/Default.aspx" target="_blank">DRAFTMARK Home Tap System</a>.<br />
<br />
What is DRAFTMARK, you ask? Well, in practice, it is essentially a mini-(mini) keg-erator that stores and dispenses roughly 11 "draught" beers from the convenience of your kitchen refrigerator. Or, as the FAQ section of the DRAFTMARK website explains:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<div class="cluetip-outer" style="height: auto; overflow: visible; position: relative; z-index: 97;">
<div class="cluetip-inner ui-widget-content ui-cluetip-content">
"Draftmark is a high-end, affordable home draft system that offers beer
drinkers a true draft beer experience.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="cluetip-outer" style="height: auto; overflow: visible; position: relative; z-index: 97;">
<div class="cluetip-inner ui-widget-content ui-cluetip-content">
Draftmark offers a completely different experience from what’s currently
available. The system is a permanent piece for your refrigerator; you simply
purchase new re-fills and continue using the draught unit you’ve already
invested in. Draftmark also allows you to pour multiple brands, offering variety
to you and your guests. You can easily interchange between Budweiser, Shock Top
and Bass Pale Ale."</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
In actuality? DRAFTMARK is an ingenious device the shrewd businessmen at AB In-Bev have devised to bring the war for shelf-space, brand identification and your hard-earned dollars from the supermarket shelves, straight into your kitchen....<br />
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<br />
It is, in fact, a subtle and creative way for AB In-Bev to cut into the growing market true craft brewers are establishing for themselves - one which is increasingly causing concern for AB In-Bev and fellow brewing giants SABMiller and Molson-Coors.<br />
<br /></div>
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In offering an alternative to building or buying your own
full-size keg-erator, AB In-Bev is likely going to appeal to a demographic that
is teetering on the edge of beer-douchery<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span></span>.
The people who occasionally buy some crafts, care enough about the quality of
their beer at home to want a home draught system, but aren’t me; essentially,
the next wave of converts.<br />
<br />
</div>
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Since AB-In-Bev owns all companies involved (including
DRAFTMARK), and will only allow In-Bev products to be served from their
proprietary home draught system, they will ultimately be taking business away
from small craft-brewers. Purchasers of this system will presumably be buying
fewer 6 and 12 packs (some of which, since we’re assuming these are beer-douche
teeter-ers, would have been crafts), and more refills for their home draught
system.<br />
<br />
Essentially, AB is focusing on moving their “Tap accounts” from
bar-rooms, right into consumers’ living rooms (or kitchens).</div>
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<br /></div>
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It truly is genius.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As if someone at AB just woke up one day and said:</div>
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<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hey guys, craft beer is cutting into our market share. And
with the beer awakening crafts are creating, keg-erators are getting more
popular. We need to tap this market.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s create a small home draught system that we can sell to
people who don’t know any better. The technology will be proprietary, and then
we will obviously only offer In-Bev products. So, instead of building or buying
a small, one tap mini-fridge keg-erator and having the freedom to serve
whatever beers they like, these people will only be able to serve our products.
But of course, we’ll offer AB “craft beers” like Shock-Top, and eventually some
of our smaller brands that masquerade as crafts. Just another genius way we can
try and cut true craft beer out of the marketplace.”</div>
</blockquote>
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<br /></div>
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If it catches on, it’s a delightfully devious tactic.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Somewhere, Sam Caligione fumes.</div>
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<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt;">[1]</span></span></span> My
friend Kevin is credited with this term. It’s not quite beer-snobbery, as the
beer snobs will turn their noses up at a Bud Light Lime and look down upon
those who drink them. Instead, it’s a state of knowing and appreciating good
beer, while also still respecting the value of a Miller Lite, and at the same
time trying to convert those around you into primarily craft beer drinkers.
Also, he may or may not have coined the term to describe me. </div>
</div>
</div>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-1420952122460569672012-02-21T17:12:00.000-05:002012-02-21T17:13:19.903-05:00The greatest Kobe analogy ever...Simple as this post's title - and as sharp and accurate as well - I give you the greatest ever analogy describing 2012 Kobe Bryant, compliments of <a href="http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7585846/gilbert-arenas-kobe-bryant-los-angeles-lakers-argument-signing-agent-zero">Grantland.com</a> staff writer Brian Phillips:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Kobe's relentlessness has always been his most celebrated quality,
but this season, he's starting to remind me of one of those space probes
that somehow keep feeding back data even after they've gone out twice
as far as the zone where they were supposed to break down. You know
these stories — no one at NASA can believe it, every day they come into
work expecting the line to be dead, but somehow, the beeps and blorps
keep coming through. Maybe half the transmissions get lost these days,
or break up around the moons of Jupiter, but somehow, this piece of
isolated metal keeps functioning on a cold fringe of the solar system
that no human eyes have seen.</i>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>That's Kobe, right? While the rest of the Lakers look increasingly
anxious and time-bound, he just keeps gliding farther out, like some
kind of experiment to see whether never having a single feeling can make
you immortal. He's barely preserving radio contact with anyone else at
this point, but basketball scientists who've seen fragments of his
diagnostic readouts report that the numbers are heartening. It's
bizarre. He's simultaneously the main character in the Lakers' drama and
someone who seems to have nothing to do with the narrative logic of the
post-Phil team. Whatever the Mike Brown era is, he's got no point of
contact with it. Even Gasol and Bynum, his best supporting players,
essentially just concentrate on not interfering with his flight path.
Everyone stays out of his way, which is easy, because "his way" is a
couple of billion miles from the rest of the Lakers."</i></blockquote>
<br />
It has truly been fascinating to follow Kobe and the Lake Show thus far through this shortened season; like watching the Titanic's band keep right on playing... except in this case the bandleader might be single-handedly capable of righting the ship before it's too late.<br />
<br />
Only time will tell, so I guess we'll just have to keep watching - on the edges of our seats.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-76775983011298298632012-02-13T15:28:00.000-05:002012-02-13T15:29:24.279-05:00Wait a second... did she just say...<br />
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The following is a true story. The names have been changed
to protect… well, me.</div>
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<br /></div>
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It happened to a male friend of mine earlier today.</div>
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<br /></div>
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While talking to a middle-aged co-worker about her weekend, the
woman mentioned that Sunday was her partner’s birthday.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Now, my friend has worked with said woman for roughly 6 months
at this point, and though he probably wouldn’t consider her a “work friend,”
they are cordial and will occasionally have a short conversation about current
events, local happenings, restaurants, etc. </div>
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<br /></div>
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According to my friend, said woman is ultra-liberal, uber-artsy,
metta-politically correct, and possibly a bit of hippie. Whenever she has mentioned
her significant other in the past, she has referred to him as “my partner.” My
buddy didn’t think anything of this, because she seems like the type of person
who would say “my partner” in lieu of “my husband” or “my boyfriend”. During
this morning’s conversation, however, a curveball was thrown.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Following up “It was my partner’s birthday on Sunday,” my
buddy says, was, “but SHE wasn’t feeling very good, so we kind of had to
reschedule our celebration.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, my buddy is in no way, shape or form homophobic. However,
he says this came as a shock to him. So, without further ado, here is his
rapid, ranting, reaction:</div>
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<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>So, immediately my mind kicks into high-gear. She’s still
blabbing on, but I have completely stopped paying attention, and my internal
monologue is going rapid-fire:</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“Wait a second, did she just say SHE? I swear I heard she. Maybe
it was “buts he,” you know, like baby-speak. Nope. There it is again. She said
she again. She’s a lesbian? No, wait, she IS a lesbian. This kinda makes sense.
Explains a few things.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Hold-up.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>So she’s a lesbian. She just came out to me. She just came
out to me? Who else knows? Is this common knowledge? Am I allowed to talk about
this with other people? She always makes a point to say “partner” and not use a
name. Is that cause she doesn’t want people to know? Why would she tell me? Did
that just slip? Is she only telling me? Why would she think we’re that close? Does
she think I’M GAY? I am not gay. I am not gay? Not last time I checked. When
did I last check?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Snap out of it. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>How do I react to her saying she? Do I stop her and say “wait,
she”? Do I just nod and keep rolling with the convo? Was I supposed to have
known this before? I’m just gonna roll with this. And speak of it to no one.
Except Bill. I gotta tell Bill. This is the most awkward situation I’ve ever
been in at work.”</i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That last part of his monologue had to be revised after a
short conversation. We determined the time he told a gay guy (whom he didn’t
know was gay at the time) that part of the reason he didn’t go to Emerson was
because the first 3 guys he met on the tour were gay and he just didn’t think
he’d fit in was more awkward. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We also determined that the “Did Tabitha used to be a dude?”
conversation he had about one of his former editors was more awkward.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for the record, yes, Tabitha used to be a dude. Poor Toby.</div>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-22301461810926581472012-01-27T14:24:00.000-05:002012-01-27T14:30:15.422-05:00The Walker, and other people at the office who drive me bananasThere is an old, weird dude who works in my office.<br />
<br />
You know the type; seems perfectly nice, decent worker - but he just has that weird vibe about him and he does these odd, idiosyncratic things that make you want to hate him.<br />
<br />
Well, this afternoon a new wrinkle was added to my growing case against this guy: HE'S A WALKER!<br />
<br />
If you work at any mostly sedentary office job, you're familiar with the group of people to whom I refer. These are the older, out of shape employees - who range from slightly overweight to morbidly obese - who spend their lunch breaks on "walks" to stay active and presumably drop the pounds.<br />
<br />
They are also the same people who believe this walk entitles them to the extra bag of BBQ Fritos that didn't get eaten at a lunch meeting in one of the conference rooms. Look here jackass, either get serious about losing the thunder thighs or just admit that you're fine with being fat - stop the charade, cause it's pissing me off.<br />
<br />
Anyway, normally I can somewhat deal with the walkers because I don't have to see them partake in said walking. But today it was raining out, so Old Weird Dude has spent his entire frigging lunch break doing laps around a group of cubicles - AND I'VE REACHED THE TIPPING POINT!!! I swear to all things holy that I'm tripping his turtle-necked, mustachioed ass on the next pass and then beating him to death with an industrial printer cartridge - SO HELP ME GOD!<br />
<br />
However, this has gotten me to thinking - who are the other people in the office that secretly drive a rational, free-thinking, normal human being completely ape-shit?<br />
<br />
Now, for clarification, I'm not talking about the people who outwardly drive their normal co-workers insane - like the middle-aged lady who has a 45-minute conversation with her "girlfriend" at maximum volume every day at 2:25 that only ends because those in the cubes around her have elevated the volume of their ahem-ing and harrumphing to the point where it can no longer be ignored. What I'm focusing on here is those people who you are otherwise all right with, except for the fact that you secretly want to bash their skull in with a sledgehammer for some completely inane reason. If that explanation doesn't make sense to you, you haven't worked an office-job for long enough.<br />
<br />
So far, I've got the walkers, the "hipster aunts" - you know, the middle-aged, childless women who will routinely try to connect with their younger co-workers and prove their hipness by recanting stories about the "cool" things they have accompanied their nieces and/or nephews to (note that there are NO "hipster uncles") - and the otherwise not bad chick who wants to educate everyone about reducing their carbon footprints and saving the environment.<br />
<br />
But I know there are more I'm leaving out, so I'm asking for your assistance. What you got?-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-72852547178965065172011-12-20T14:22:00.002-05:002011-12-20T14:34:15.244-05:00'Tis the season...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
December
20.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
People
bailing on work early, fighting traffic, driving aggressively, flipping the
bird to young children, guzzling coffee and energy drinks by the gallon,
crowding malls and outlets, cussing, cursing, blaspheming... and jingling all
the way!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Yes
Virginia, the
Hell-idays are upon us like Herman Cain on a cocktail waitress at the GOP Christmas
Ball. And along with them, all that precious, cherished family togetherness we…
ahem… relish all year long. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
That’s
right, the time of the season for cheek pinching geriatrics, awkward inquiries
into your personal life, bad stories about your second cousins new career as a
martial arts instructor, and uncomfortable and alarming amounts of time spent
with those “special” family members and friends you simply “tolerate,” is here! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
That’s
why this year, we here at the Boston Lager have come up with a few new <span class="il">holiday</span> “games” that you, our readers, can employ, along with a
healthy dose of Jack Daniels, to help you get through your family Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus
gatherings.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
So,
without further ado, The Lager Emergency Situation Management Department
proudly presents – <span class="il">Holiday</span> <span class="il">Drinking</span>
Games 2011:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><u>Not-So-Silent
Night:</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
A
<span class="il">holiday</span> classic, this yuletide <span class="il">drinking</span>
game is for those of us whose family patriarchs and matriarchs have been
blessed with the… umm… gift… of unnatural longevity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
The
rules are quite simple; every time Aunt Phyllis, who is fortunate enough to be
celebrating her 84<sup>th</sup> Christmas this year, audibly passes gas at the
dinner table, it’s time to drink!!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
If
Aunt Phyllis neglects to excuse herself because she thinks no one heard the
earth shattering cacophony that was just released from her rectum – probably
due to the fact her hearing aid battery is on its’ last legs and is emitting an
eardrum-piercing buzzing sound to alert her it needs charging, one which is
audible to everyone except… surprise, Aunt Phyllis – then drink two!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
What’s
that you say? Aunt Phyllis just sharted!?! Well then friends, time to finish
your drinks before going to grab the Rug Doctor™ and breaking out a fresh can
of Febreeze! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
A
warning to those of you who will have multiple relatives over the age of 65
present at your gathering: you might want to avoid a heavy hand when mixing
your drinks, because too many Aunt Phyllises around could mean <i>you’ll </i>be
the one needing the adult diapers by the end of the night. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
And
remember, we’re talking audible gaseous releases here. SBDs don’t count. For more
on those fun nuggets, see <b><i><u>Do You Smell What I Smell.</u></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><u>Feliz
Navi-Dad:</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
You
think you hate these god damn Christmas gatherings?!? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Well
my friend, your distaste for the obligatory family <span class="il">holiday</span>
party has got nothing on Dear Old Dad’s utter loathing of the event.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Every
year right around the end of December – you know, just when yearly reports are
coming due at work and the damn (fill-in-the-local-NFL-team-name)s are about to
blow their chance at the Wild Card – Dad is catapulted into his own personal
Hell that is the holiday season.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Especially
if the gathering in question is taking place in HIS HOUSE, you know, just to cap
his friggin’ year off.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
See,
it’s right around this time when all of Dad’s favorite people start turning up
– in-laws, kids, free-loading cousins, great uncles who spout out things like
“Willy, how about you go get your uncle Charlie a beer,” even though Dad
stopped going by Willy when he was roughly 11-years old, and that guy he always
gets stuck talking to about work in the living room for roughly 27 hours.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Today
is just not Dad’s day, and to top it all off he’s got Mom barking orders at him
from the kitchen!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
The
rules here are a bit more complex, and they leave some room for improvisation,
since all Dads are basically the same, yet undeniably unique at the same time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
First
and foremost, the game begins when Dad starts <span class="il">drinking</span>
for the day. Sometimes this can be as early as 8 am, when Dad crumbles under
the weight of the impending chaos that will soon descend upon his house and
starts dumping the Bailey’s into his second cup of coffee. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
From
that point forward all participants must keep pace with Dad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
For
every drink he knocks down to get himself through his misery, each player must
finish at least half of a drink – but with the other rules in effect, making
sure you’ve downed half a drink for every one of dad’s will be the least of
your worries.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
In
addition, the rules mandate that all participants down a shot of tequila (it is
called Feliz Navi-Dad, after all) each time one of the following occurrences
takes place:</div>
<ol start="1" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Dad is caught mumbling curse
words under his breath or is overheard talking to himself (Note: this
oftentimes manifests during trips outside or to the garage to empty the
trash bin).</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Dad makes “the face”. And
don’t pretend you don’t know what we’re talking about.</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Dad makes a “joke” about
“dragging someone to the middle of nowhere and leaving them for dead”.</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Dad is generally clueless as
to what just happened, because he stopped paying attention to the
conversation 8-minutes ago and is instead trying to concentrate on making
Aunt Joanna’s head explode with his thoughts.</li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Here’s
where there’s some room for creativity. There are two “Wild-card” rules you can
custom-tailor for your own father!!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Dad’s
got a favorite curse-word? Fantastic! Tequila shots for all each time the word
is uttered over the course of the day!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Dad’s
forced into doing a dramatic reading of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” every
year? Stupendous! Have the Cuervo ready to go for each time Dad decides to
incorporate his own “interpretation” of the poem and stray from the traditional
script!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
One
tequila, two tequila, three tequila… floor! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Indeed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Rudolph, your Red-faced Druncle</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh… the druncle!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those unfamiliar with the term, it’s the compound word
created to describe your drunken uncle. You know the one we’re talking about.
The loud one who showed up with the 30-rack of Bud Ice, is currently cracking
off-color jokes within earshot of Nana, and took it upon himself to comment on
the size of your new lady friend’s chest as you introduced her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are two types of druncles in this world, the endearing
variety, and the variety you’d like to take out back and beat with a rubber
hose. Either way, both types are going to be the catalyst for multiple
awkward/embarrassing/fantastic moments during any holiday gathering, and that’s
what makes this game so enjoyably simple!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s just one rule: anytime the druncle participates in
some form of jackass-ery that results in an awkward/embarrassing moment, you’re
drinking!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The druncle just asked your sister’s long-time boyfriend if
his V-neck sweater means he’s finally out of the closet? Mazel Tov!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The druncle asked Great Aunt Judy how she “really” broke her
hip? Sláinte!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The druncle alerts you to the fact that, “Nana may be
carrying a load in her Depends™, go stand next to her and take a whiff?”
Cheers!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And add a bonus drink if any of the druncle’s comments
actually lead to a verbal (or physical!) altercation – which will most likely be
with the Holiday gathering noob who hasn’t quite yet learned that it’s best to
just let it go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of letting it go… that brings us to our final 2011
Holiday Drinking Game:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Do You Smell What
I Smell?</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whether it’s the pungent potpourri of Nana’s Depends™, the
formaldehyde fumes surrounding Great Uncle Albert, or the sweet scent of dinner
burning in the oven, holiday gatherings offer an olfactory experience like no
other.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this game, participants will be asked to identify the
various and sundry smells floating through the house during the holiday
gathering, drawing on the classic Christmas Carol, “Do You Hear What I Hear?” A
correct identification and you get to dole out a drink to a fellow participant,
while an incorrect guess will leave you taking a sip of your own. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a gentleman’s game, and requires participants to
first engage a fellow player with the question, “Do you smell what I smell?”
The player that has been asked the question is then allowed the first guess at
the mystery odor, with turns alternating until both parties agree that the
correct source has been identified!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Player A: “Do you smell what I smell?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Player B: “Do I smell what you smell? (sniff, sniff) A burp,
a burp, coming from Aunt Anne, smells like eggnog and marzipan?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Player A: Smells like eggnog and marzipan. I drink!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so it goes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Well,
that concludes this year’s edition of The Lager Emergency Situation Management
Department’s <span class="il">Holiday</span> <span class="il">Drinking</span>
Games. We sincerely hope these games are instrumental in helping you through
your own personal holiday hell!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
And
remember, if the games happen get a little out of hand, the fruitcake is
unparalleled in its alcohol absorbency.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Happy
Holidays!<br />
<br />
</div>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-89660671888331140332011-12-14T15:19:00.000-05:002011-12-14T15:19:45.503-05:00Big PerksWe've all seen it happen, if it hasn't in fact happened to us.<br />
<br />
Guy breaks up with his longtime girlfriend, who is pretty cool by most accounts and all of his friends actually like, to play the field, chase some hotter chick, etc. He fails to get the hot chick, or does for a while then it fizzles out, or he plays the field for a few months and has a blast, but eventually it's going to get old.<br />
<br />
Then, 6 to 8 months go by - he's getting tired of being single at this point - and he runs into his ex at a bar somewhere. She has lost that little bit of extra weight she had always carried around, bought herself a whole new wardrobe, and looks smoking hot. He goes over to talk to her, and she is not only still cool, but also has come into some money via some distant rich relative dying and is about to embark on an all-expense paid 3-month sightseeing trip around the world... with her new douchebag boyfriend who plays right wing for the Providence Bruins.<br />
<br />
This sends our guy into a deep, dark, month-long depression.<br />
<br />
At this point you might be asking yourself where I'm going with this. Well, let me show you: <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://l.yimg.com/a/p/sp/editorial_image/c2/c29764b022fa4fb3f9d8798bc244df79/kendrick_perkins_drops_pounds_bucking_the_lockout_trend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://l.yimg.com/a/p/sp/editorial_image/c2/c29764b022fa4fb3f9d8798bc244df79/kendrick_perkins_drops_pounds_bucking_the_lockout_trend.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.nba.com/thunder/news/camp_day3_111211.html" target="_blank">Kendrick Perkins lost 31-lbs this offseason!!!</a><br />
<br />
If Perk starts beast-ing on people all of a sudden because he can finally get up and down the court without looking like he's moving at the same speed as a scrambling Tom Brady, I'm growing [an even more ridiculous] beard and going on suicide watch until July.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-30270833255093724922011-12-13T12:44:00.005-05:002011-12-13T12:47:51.308-05:00God's son returns?<a href="http://deadspin.com/5867461/did-tim-tebow-break-up-lindsey-vonns-marriage?tag=tim-tebow" target="_blank">Did you hear this rumor yet!!!!</a><br />
<br />
The one where Timothy Richard Tebow broke up Lindsey Vonn's marriage and is now
dating her?<br />
<br />
That's right. A rumor that the should-have-been-aborted-miracle-baby, born-again Christian, Filipino circumcising, saving-himself-for-marriage, inaccurate as all hell, starting Bronco's QB has landed super hot US Olympian Alpine goddess Lindsey Vonn.<br />
<br />
Some guys have all the luck.<br />
<br />
If this is somehow true (it's not, if there is a fair and loving God, this is not true), then the debate is over. Tebow is the
second-coming of Christ, and this time he's decided "You know what, I'm
Jesus fucking Christ! Sure, I'll prepare the army of the Lord for
judgement day in 2012, but I'll be damned if I don't get to have a
little fun along the way this time around!"<br />
<br />
Screw it. As discussed here previously, Julia Mancuso is my favorite hot US winter Olympian anyway. (Nastia Liukin gets the summer and overall titles).-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-65080443101372423822011-11-01T15:25:00.001-04:002011-11-01T15:27:10.547-04:00Legendary beings and life's lessons learned...My youngest brother will occasionally send his random thoughts and musings out to a collection of friends via mass text message. He calls these his "Fun Facts of the Day".<br />
<br />
The thoughts are generally Confucius-esque revelations aimed at unraveling life's greatest mysteries. Why are SBD's so deadly? Is double-dipping acceptable if you took the last chip? Why don't they make toilets the same height as barstools? He generally writes these while sitting on the throne - you get the picture by now I'm sure.<br />
<br />
This morning, he sent one that simply required re-posting here:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"FFOTD: The Fun Fact's list of some mythical creatures:</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Bigfoot*</i><br />
<i>The Loch Ness Monster*</i><br />
<i>Dragons (fire-bretahing)*</i><br />
<i>Mermaids*</i><br />
<i>Sane Women</i><br />
<i>Unicorns*</i><br />
<i>Pokemon*</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>* = may actually be real"</i></blockquote>
They learn so fast!-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-48836065120392696712011-10-19T13:49:00.001-04:002011-10-19T14:01:15.935-04:00HERE'S CARSON!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/11/2008/07/peace_sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/11/2008/07/peace_sign.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Here indeed.<br />
<br />
In case you've been living under an NFL rock for the past 48-hours, former USC Trojan and Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer - who refused to report to play for the Bengals this season and has been demanding a trade since the end of the Bengals 4-12 2010 campaign - has finally gotten his wish.<br />
<br />
The Oakland Raiders, after losing starting quarterback Jason Campbell to injury on Sunday for what could be the remainder of the season, have traded a 1st round pick in the 2012 draft and a 2nd round 2013 pick (which has the potential to become a 1st rounder) for Palmer.<br />
<br />
Palmer, who sports an 86.9 career passer rating and has twice thrown for over 4,000 yards in a season (falling just short twice more with 3,836 yards in the 2005 season and 3,970 yards last season), is somewhat of an NFL enigma. After leading an upstart 11-5 Bengals team to the postseason in 2005, a season in which he threw for 32 touchdowns and only 12 interceptions, Palmer's knee was essentially torn apart on a hit sustained in the team's first-round playoff loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers.<br />
<br />
Now, 5 seasons and an elbow reconstruction later, the quarterback who was once thought to be the next "elite" NFL passer has never been quite able to attain that same level of success.<br />
<br />
This afternoon my buddy Steve and I were having a conversation regarding the QB and what this means for Oakland, and I think the back-and-forth really sums up the myriad of feelings one can have on Palmer and the trade, as well as how much is riding on this season relating to the context in which Palmer's career is ultimately viewed. So, without further ado, here is the convo:<br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Palmer is expected to start on Sunday.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Me: Ohhhhhhhh Yaaaaaaaaa.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Steve: Palmer is such a bum. I can't believe, CAN'T BELIEVE, that the Raiders gave a 1st-rounder, and possibly two 1st rounders, to get him. What a fuckin' joke.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Me: I agree that they overpaid. However, it cannot be ignored that this guy was once mentioned in the same breath as Brady, Manning and Brees. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Was. When he left he was more like a bum.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Me: The injuries and just being stuck in that horrendous franchise clearly had a huge impact on his game. I'm curious to see what a change of scenery might do for him. I've always like Carson Palmer and would like to see him succeed.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Funny, you used a similar excuse for Ocho-stinko. Carson sucks.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: I don't deny that. It was clearly too late for Chad. He needed to get out two seasons ago. However, QBs have a longer shelf life, and I think Carson might still be salvageable. Clearly, as evidenced by his refusal to play for the Bengals, he knew he needed a change of scenery. Now that he's gotten one, let's see what he does with it.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Na.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: Ya.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Ya, like Oakland is the place to be.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: I will wager he takes Oakland to the post-season.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: They are winning their division already. If they don't go, it's his fault.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: They still have to contend with the Chargers, who always make a late season rally.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Ya.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: I say, if he can come in without any training camp, prep time to learn the offense, or familiarity with the receivers and get them to the playoffs, that is a massive accomplishment.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: In a division with only one other contender, maybe, but not enough to change my opinion. The post-season is where he is at his suckiest.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: We shall see. I'm using the Rocky IV corollary here: "If I can change, and you can change, maybe Carson Palmer can change."</i><br />
<br />
<i>Steve: Na.</i><br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>Me: Only time will tell.</i>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-6919196982276033582011-02-24T18:36:00.005-05:002011-02-24T18:45:21.670-05:00Scowl no more... for better or worse...I haven't posted here in a long time.<br />
<br />
And it's not fair for this, my first post in such a lengthy span, to be what this post is - which is therapy, in the form of the written word. But, alas, Kendrick Perkins was traded today.<br />
<br />
In return for he and Nate Robinson, the green got former C's draft pick Jeff Green - who was immediately traded during the 2007 draft for Ray Allen - and Nenad Krstic.<br />
<br />
I need to get this out there right off the bat; I unabashedly love Kendrick Perkins. He lays it all out every night, does whatever is asked of him, is a beast on D and on the boards, and in his seven seasons out of Clifton J. Ozen High School in Texas, has never committed a foul.<br />
<br />
Kendrick, I will always remember you with a scowl. <br />
<br />
With that said, after spending quite a bit of time trying to wrap my head around this trade, this is what I've come up with:<br />
<br />
If you're a Celtics fan, your opinion on this trade depends almost entirely on how you felt about the C's chances of bringing another championship home this year.<br />
<br />
I, for one, thought that they could. They have given us no reason to doubt them. They have beaten the Heat three times. They have performed very well against all of the top teams in both conferences. Why would that level of success not continue?<br />
<br />
Yes, certain teams in the East got better recently (the Knicks and the Nets, but only one of those teams matters come playoff time). Yes, the Celts need to stay healthy to win it this year, and they are (or were) currently banged up. I still think they had a better than decent shot.<br />
<br />
Without Perk, I don't think that shot is <b><i>as</i></b> good. Who replaces his boards and D come playoff time? Who D's up Dwight and Boozer? (And even Amare if he's on the post?) And the big advantage the Celts had over the Heat (the size and strength of their frontcourt), takes a hit.<br />
<br />
The Celts now have to rely on Shaq as their starting center going into the playoffs. How did that work out for Cleveland last year?<br />
<br />
And Troy Murphy - who the Celts are rumored to be getting once his contract is bought out by Golden State - is not Perk. Neither is Rasheed Wallace. Neither is Krstic. And I don't believe Jermaine O'Neal will be healthy enough at any point this season to truly make any significant contributions, and even if he is, does no one remember the stink bomb he turned in during that Heat series last year?<br />
<br />
Now, I have long been accused of overrating Perk (my buddy Steve will tell you this as soon as Perkins' name is brought up). I hope that's true. And it might be.<br />
<br />
The more I think about it (and my opinion is still morphing even as I write this), I mean, it's not inconceivable that the Celtics still make it through the East without Perk. And yes, Green will help the second unit and help spell Paul Peirce and Ray Allen. But it's definitely going to be tougher without Perk, and I'm just not sure how I feel about possibly sacrificing one of the Big Three's last championship runs for future competitiveness.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to the future.<br />
<br />
For the future, this trade, coupled with the draft picks gained from dealing Semih Erden and Luke Harangody to Cleveland, is a good move. I don't think there's any debating that.<br />
<br />
Our biggest fear as Celtics fans prior to today, whether we said it or not (and a friend of mine vocalized something to this affect a few weeks ago), was that when the Big Three retired we were going to be stuck right back where we started before we got Ray and KG. A 35-win team with a pu-pu platter of young guys and no real veteran leadership.<br />
<br />
This trade gives the C's a solid wing player who has proven he can score (Green), a few draft picks to start to build while the Big Three are phasing out, and some eventual cap space to make a big free-agent signing or two in the coming years (Dwight in 2012?).<br />
<br />
The Celts likely weren't re-signing Perk anyway if everything we hear in the media is to be believed. <br />
<br />
In summation, and as always, it takes a while to come around on Danny Ainge's moves, because he's normally two steps ahead of everyone else.<br />
<br />
He is also unemotional and ruthless. He's going to take risks and do what he thinks is best for the team in the long run, which is what makes him a good GM.<br />
<br />
It certainly does not make him a fan favorite. And in my opinion, it <b><i>might</i></b> have cost us a championship this year, but that remains to be seen. Either way there's no denying that this trade gives the C's the opportunity, not the certainty, to stay competitive long term. A few good draft picks and signings in the coming year and half and they could be a perennial playoff team for years after the Big Three depart.<br />
<br />
The question is, if the C's don't win a championship this year, and they don't win one in the Rondo/Green/whoever-else-it-<br />
<div id=":wf"><wbr></wbr>is-they-get-as-an-indirect-<wbr></wbr>result-of-this-trade era that follows the Big 3 era, then was it worth it?<br />
<br />
And I honestly don't have an answer for that.</div>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-76523900563877026422011-01-06T14:04:00.000-05:002011-01-06T14:04:16.960-05:00The Talented Mr. RondoIt goes without saying at this point: Rajon Rondo is the most important player on the Boston Celtics roster when it comes to both their current and future success.<br />
<br />
His 12-10-22-6 line in last night's win over the Spurs practically cemented that statement, which has already been uttered many a time over the past year and a half, as fact. He has <u><b><i>46</i></b></u> assists in three games since returning from a seven-game layoff due to an ankle sprain sustained in the C's Christmas day loss to Orlando. <br />
<br />
Rondo is undeniably one of the most talented and unique players in the NBA today. With that said, I'm worried about him.<br />
<br />
Before you x-out of this window thinking this is just digging for controversy where there's nothing to be found, hear me out.<br />
<br />
Read <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/boston/nba/columns/story?columnist=forsberg_chris&id=5994351">Forsberg's Rondo article</a> from today.<br />
<br />
It's stories like this that make me wonder what's going to happen to Rondo if/when Doc leaves. I think that Rondo still has a lot of untapped potential, yet I worry that without the right coach that potential will remain locked away, and he could even regress as a player. Doc is clearly a coach who has connected with Rondo and been able to motivate him and help him continuously improve his game. <br />
<br />
When Doc says things like "He can make those shots. That's what's so frustrating to our guys: [Rondo] passed up at least six of them today, maybe seven. Rondo can make those shots. We just have to get him to take them after a miss. Because the way [the Timberwolves] guarded him tonight is the way they're going to guard him in the playoffs," you can see how important his tutelage, understanding and encouragement are to Rondo's development. <br />
<br />
What happens when Doc leaves. Can Rondo make it to that next level without him? Is he far enough along/competitive enough to make it there on his own?<br />
<br />
The fact that I can't even guess at the answers to those two questions worries me. We need Doc to stick around so we never have to find out what those answers are.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-46792983031529741062010-05-20T17:18:00.001-04:002010-05-20T17:21:07.674-04:00Skynet becomes self-aware....Calling it artificial intelligence might be a bit of a stretch, but it seems that a group of U.S. scientists have developed the world's first "artificial life form" - a synthetic bacterium.<br />
<br />
You can read the full story <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science_and_environment/10132762.stm">here</a>, but for the non-readers in the audience here's the skinny:<br />
<br />
This group of scientists, headed by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craig_Venter">Dr. Craig Venter</a> (of the <a href="http://www.jcvi.org/">J Craig Venter Institute</a> - obviously Craig is a model of humility and has no God complex whatsoever; after all, he's just trying to become the Creator of artificial life forms), started by artificially constructing a mirror image of a bacterium's DNA from scratch. Once this artificial DNA was completed, they transplanted the genetic material into a "host cell", which was not synthetic, but an actual biological cell made the good old fashioned way, just like grand-dad used to make 'em. Once the successful transplant was complete, the host cell began to look and behave like a bacterial cell from the strain from which the DNA was copied. Except "copied" is the wrong word, because the DNA placed in the host cell was not necessarily "copied", but, as previously stated, was an exact replica, made by humans, from scratch. <br />
<br />
What does all of this mean? Well, I don't claim to be a scientist, nor do I claim to have a full understanding of the process by which this "synthetic life form" came into being. But, as far as I can tell, what all of this means is that human beings have succeeded in creating the blueprints for life, from nothing. <br />
<br />
I'll repeat that.<br />
<br />
Human beings (the same species you see chowing down on McBreakfastBurritos while yapping on cell phones and driving right in the middle of what's supposed to be a two-lane highway on your ride to work every morning) have succeeded in creating the blueprints for life (as in, the divine spark that gives all living things animation), from nothing (in other words, using no previously living biological material). That's my understanding of it, at least.<br />
<br />
Oh, and I forgot to mention that this original host cell then "replicated over a billion times, producing copies that contained and were controlled by the constructed, synthetic DNA," according to <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science_and_environment/10132762.stm">a BBC article</a>. <br />
<br />
The ethical, religious, scientific and moral implications of such a discovery are almost too vast to even consider. Not to mention to comprehensive and all-encompassing for a Thursday afternoon blog post, so I'm going to save those for another day in the very near future.<br />
<br />
Just know this Dr. Craig Venter, you and all your fellow geneticist/biologist cronies are now on my "Dangerous People Who Need to be Watched" list, along with your pals <a href="http://boston-lager.blogspot.com/2010/03/mixed-sixer-part-1.html">the astrophysicists</a>. I'm all for advancing the sciences and learning more about the workings of our world, but caution is sometimes too easily thrown to the wind when the hunger for fruit from the tree of knowledge becomes too overpowering. Just ask Adam.<br />
<br />
And know that I'll be watching you.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-13225751711549898542010-05-14T14:54:00.000-04:002010-05-14T14:54:48.084-04:00Today, redemption is spelled S-H-E-E-D...Well, at least he's on the path, anyway.<br />
<br />
Tony Allen too. I actually sent the following text message to a friend last night (and those of you who know me understand the contempt in which I hold Tony):<br />
<br />
<blockquote>"Fantastic game so far. TONY ALLEN has been a force this series, and tonight is no exception."</blockquote> There's really nothing more to say. The Celts were great last night, and they are finally playing like the team they should be; nothing more, nothing less.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-71271482686391810042010-05-10T14:19:00.003-04:002010-05-10T14:42:11.418-04:00You got Rondo'd!!!!That's all I have to say.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://ladiesdotdotdot.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/cavs-kid.jpg">You got Rondo'd</a>.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BWlRlKmlIA&feature=player_embedded">You got Rondo'd.</a><br />
<br />
And, oh yeah, <a href="http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/2009/extramustard/06/02/roundtable/p1-lebron-james.jpg">YOU definitely got Rondo'd.</a><br />
<br />
The magic show that Rajon Rondo put on yesterday afternoon easily ranks as one of the top five greatest "I'm not letting my team lose this game, no effing way" performances I've witnessed in my lifetime. Rondo would not be denied; whether it was on the boards, on defense, in transition, or driving into the paint in the half-court game, Rondo played virtually every possession to perfection.<br />
<br />
(In case you somehow missed it, Rondo's triple-double: 29 pts, 18 rebs, 13 asts, 43% FG, and 11 of 16 FT.)<br />
<br />
(And just because it makes me feel good, Lebron's losing effort: 22 pts, 9 rebs, 8 asts, 39% FG, 0 of 5 from behind the arc. Really, not bad, but when you compare "The Greatest Player Alive" and reigning MVP "x2's" line to Rondo's... ah, I'm just going to soak this in.)<br />
<br />
Chris Broussard has <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/playoffs/2010/columns/story?columnist=broussard_chris&page=rondogame4-100509">a phenomenal column on ESPN.com</a> reflecting on Rondo's spectacular Sunday, in which Broussard suggests that the torch of leadership on this Celtics team has been unofficially passed to the enigmatic, 6-foot-1, 24-year-old guard. The entire column is worth a read, but the point Broussard chose to end with speaks volumes:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>"Rondo's excellence once again carried the Celtics when their Big Three of Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce weren't quite in sync. Garnett and Allen each provided 18 points, but they combined for only 12 in the second half and none in the fourth. And Pierce continued to melt at James' feet, scoring just nine points to drop his series average to 11.8. </blockquote><blockquote><br />
But with Rondo dominating (for lack of a stronger word) with his at-will penetration, the Celtics were in good hands. The raucous TD Garden crowd recognized as much and saluted their new leader with "M-V-P'' chants while Rondo canned two free throws with 17.8 seconds left. </blockquote><blockquote><br />
Afterward, Rondo was still dishing assists to his teammates, heaping praise on 30-somethings Garnett, Allen and Pierce for opening things up for him on the floor. </blockquote><blockquote>"My numbers tonight were what they were, but we still go through the Big Three," he said. "They're the main focal point. That's why I'm able to get so many open looks and be so aggressive." </blockquote><blockquote>That's no longer true. But we understand why he said it. After all, a great point guard always takes care of his supporting cast"</blockquote>I think that just says it all.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-46428704110966049552010-05-04T12:49:00.002-04:002010-05-04T12:57:57.165-04:00Rasheed's Renaissance...Well, ladies and gentlemen, guess who finally decided to show up?<br />
<br />
That's right, <a href="http://media.cleveland.com/startingblocks/photo/rsheedjpg-80c2e8117c08081e_large.jpg">this fackin' guy</a>.<br />
<br />
Last night <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/profile?playerId=883">Rasheed Wallace</a>, after many months of mulling the decision over, finally decided that he wanted to play some basketball this season. Logging 18 minutes off the bench for the Celtics in their 104-86 trouncing of the Cavs in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Semi-finals, Sheed dropped 17 points, hit 7 of 8 shots from the field - three of which came from behind the arc - and even played what passes as inspired D, for Rasheed, at least.<br />
<br />
Sheed carried the load for the Celts' bench last night and was a huge factor in helping secure a critical Game 2 win at the Q before KG, Paul Peirce and company head back to Boston for games 3 and 4. That said, it was one of the most frustrating Sheed performances I've watched all season.<br />
<br />
Please, allow me to elaborate. <br />
<br />
Rasheed's game last night proved what many have lamented all season long; the fact that Sheed can still play basketball at an elite level when, and this is the important part, he actually wants to put in the effort to try.<br />
<br />
We have all seen plenty of evidence showcasing Sheed's laziness and general disinterest in anything but launching up bad 3s over the course of the season, but until last night there was a part of me that thought, "Maybe Sheed just isn't the player we think he is anymore, maybe age and multiple deep playoff runs have had more of an effect on him than we know." I knew his work ethic/reluctance to play the post was a large chunk of the problem, but a small part of me thought that maybe his game had declined more drastically than we imagined as a result of the extended time away he spent with injuries in 2008-2009. But, with last night's performance, that manufactured excuse for Sheed's lackluster season loses all credibility and it becomes completely apparent that he just hasn't been trying.<br />
<br />
And the truly amazing thing about last night was how effortless Sheed made it all look.<br />
<br />
It begs the question, had Sheed actually given a shit all year long, could the Celts have been in contention for the 1-seed in the East? Probably not, since there were issues other than Sheed's disinterest contributing to the Celts poor second half of the regular season, but it's definitely an interesting question to consider.<br />
<br />
But, I suppose there's no use dwelling on the past. The short of it is, that in order for the Celtics to have a chance at winning any series from here on out, Sheed has to be able to sustain the level of play he displayed last night. If he can manage that, who knows what the ceiling for this squad is?<br />
<br />
Sheed, it was nice to have you back. Here's to hoping you decide to stick around.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-35099081429069931232010-05-03T13:01:00.001-04:002010-05-03T13:02:47.338-04:00Why I love Rajon Rondo, in a nutshell...Today's <a href="http://www.bostonherald.com/">Boston Herald</a> feature's a piece suggesting that Rajon Rondo is the key to the Celts chances at beating Cleveland, as the Celts have become so reliant on his penetration creating open looks for Ray and Paul.<br />
<br />
It's a solid article (<a href="http://www.bostonherald.com/sports/basketball/celtics/view/20100503this_series_all_about_rajon_rondo/">you can read it in it's entirety here</a>), but what really caught my eye was this quote from Rondo himself:<br />
<blockquote><br />
<i><b>The Cavaliers believe that switching 6-foot-6 Anthony Parker onto him forced the alteration [in his second half play] in the 6-1 Rondo.</b></i><br />
<i><b><br />
</b></i><br />
<i><b>“They do?” said Rondo. “That’s their opinion. I don’t see the first guy. I’m looking at the second line of defense, regardless of who they put on me. I’ve seen him before. I don’t think it’s going to stop anything.”</b></i></blockquote>Rajon truly believes that he can take on the world and win - and on his best nights, he can. The last guy the Celts had with that kind of unfailing self-confidence and, truth be told, arrogance, was... Larry Bird.<br />
<br />
Just sayin'.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-87362234224889208602010-04-30T15:13:00.000-04:002010-04-30T15:13:34.053-04:00Finally, an idea I can get behind....Well, here it is. Two solid years into the existence of the blog, and I'm caving and posting something about poltics.<br />
<br />
Check out what California's Lt. Governor Abel Maldonado had to say about a new proposition on the California ballot that might be one of the best plans I've heard yet to reel in this country's out-of-control political parties whose continued courtship of extremists has contributed to record numbers of Americans registering as independents.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/308101/april-29-2010/california-s-proposition-14---abel-maldonado" target="_blank">http://www.colbertnation.com/<wbr></wbr>the-colbert-report-videos/<wbr></wbr>308101/april-29-2010/<wbr></wbr>california-s-proposition-14---<wbr></wbr>abel-maldonado</a><br />
<br />
This is a man with a plan people, and America needs more like him. Once the two major political parties realize that the majority -albeit a slight majority - of Americans' political views lie somewhere in between the two extremes they currently cater to, then maybe we can start making some real progress in this country.<br />
<br />
Maybe.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-91205252893219339472010-04-26T12:46:00.000-04:002010-04-26T12:46:37.892-04:00If hating Tim Tebow means I'm rooting against Jesus...... then let's go Satan!<br />
<br />
And I don't mean <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDjLtNch_po">Miroslav</a>. (Though <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDjLtNch_po">this was gorgeous</a>. I can't get enough of the NHL Playoffs!!) <br />
<br />
This is what <a href="http://www.denverpost.com/broncos/ci_14953999">The Denver Post is reporting</a> that Tebow said of his first meeting with Bronco's head coach Josh McDaniels:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><span id="redesign_default">"I was jacked leaving that room. I didn't even want to visit another room. It was not enough time," Tebow said. "We were excited, we were enthusiastic. There was passion. It was just intense, and it was ball, and it was juice. The juice level in that room was high, and it was awesome."</span></blockquote>You'll notice the typical born-again Christian vernacular right off the bat: "jacked", "it was ball," "it was juice." Are these not things right out of Scott Stapp's uber-douchey mouth?!?<br />
<br />
I hope this guy breaks his femur on the first day of practice, and if that puts me at odds with the good Lord, then so be it. The God I pray to can't possibly like Tim Tebow.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-27966616891924414052010-03-29T13:45:00.001-04:002010-03-29T13:59:44.732-04:00If you're not already rooting for Duke (and not many are)...... then here is your reason:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/tournament/2010/columns/story?columnist=oneil_dana&id=5036508">The Strength of Nolan Smith</a><br />
<br />
Not one of those ridiculous, "this person overcame every challenge under the sun while everyone was doubting him/her" stories; yet, somehow, one that goes a little deeper than all of those.<br />
<br />
Definitely worth the read.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-44350107537782579172010-03-09T16:32:00.004-05:002010-03-09T16:55:06.466-05:00The Mixed Sixer (Part 1)<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s been too long. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">It always seems like it’s been too long. Too long since there have been regular posts in this space.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, rather than a traditional post, what you’re about to read is a collection of things that have been on our minds lately here at the Lager, but we just never got around to posting about.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, without further ado, The Lager presents the first installment of our new weekly series, The Mixed Sixer! So grab yourself an opener, kick back, and enjoy!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><blockquote style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">UPDATE: I GOT ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE MIXED SIXER AND REALIZED I WAS ALREADY AT THE 1,200 WORD MARK. SINCE I’M NOT GOING TO SUBJECT YOU ALL TO A 2,400 WORD, SIMMONS-ESQUE DIATRIBE, THE SECOND HALF OF THE MIXED SIXER WILL BE POSTED ON THURSDAY OF THIS WEEK.</span></div></blockquote><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sampling No. 1 – “I am no scientist, but... Porter”</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> So, I was reading <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100308/sc_nm/us_science_cern">this Reuters article</a> on Yahoo! News the other day – I know, I know, Yahoo! News?!? Look, it was sent to me by a friend. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Anyway, it was discussing the Large Hadron Collider on the French/Swiss border just outside of <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Geneva</st1:place></st1:city> and how the scientists working on the project are hoping to discover Dark Matter during their experiments later this month – experiments which will feature the highest energy particle collisions ever achieved in such a setting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">(The article erroneously states the collisions will be “at the highest energy ever achieved,” without adding the clarifier “in a lab,” or something of that ilk. Might just be me, but I’m pretty sure these collisions have been achieved before. Maybe during the Big Bang, you know, if you subscribe to that theory. But I digress.)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">First things first: did we learn nothing from Star Trek? Dark Matter = unstable world destroyer. Do we really want to be manufacturing the stuff in some underground lab on the Swiss/French border?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">If it means <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">France</st1:place></st1:country-region> gets sucked into a black hole, never to return… then yes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">But in all seriousness, I get fairly nervous when I hear about physicists conducting these types of experiments. Physicists are crazy. Don’t think so? Well, how about we examine a quote from the guy in charge of the Collider project then, Dr. </span><span class="yshortcuts" style="font-size: small;">Rolf-Dieter Heuer.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="yshortcuts" style="font-size: small;">In the article, in a section discussing the researchers’ hope to replicate the Higgs boson – which, as far as I can tell, is the new “politically correct” name for what I have always heard referred to as “the God Particle” – Heuer is quoted as saying:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">"We know everything about this particle. The only thing we don't know is if it exists."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Excuse me?!?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, what Dieter is telling us, essentially, is that he and his fellow scientists understand all of the many intricacies concerning an imaginary particle that they made up. Well, I should hope so!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">How can you possibly know “everything” about anything if you cannot first verify whether or not that thing EVEN EXISTS!!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Maybe this is why I cannot be a scientist. Or, maybe this is why our friend Dieter should not be a scientist. I’ll leave that call up to you, the reader. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sampling No. 2 – “Winter White Ale”</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Why is Shaun White’s publicity team trying to make people hate him?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here’s what I learned about Shaun during the Vancouver Games this February:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Shaun White is an absolutely incredible athlete who can do things in his sport that no one has ever dreamed of, let alone had the balls to risk life and limb trying. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">He’s also bright, witty and, most importantly, humble, and all my previous animosity toward him was completely unwarranted and simply based on the fact that he was highly successful at an extremely young age and came off as, likely just because of the long red hair and the fact that he participates in the X Games, a punk.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">How did I learn this? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Through watching his many interviews with Bob Costas, Stephen Colbert, or whoever he happened to be talking to on whichever particular night. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Through watching his reaction at the top of the pipe after learning that his first run’s score was good for gold, and then hearing him state his desire to ride down the middle of the pipe on his just-for-show second run with his arms up rather than showboat with an unnecessary second run of monster tricks (though, I’m glad his coach convinced him otherwise after seeing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIr2ki4nWkU">the ridiculous corked-alley-mctwist-10,000</a> or whatever it is you want to call what he did at the bottom of that pipe – I’ll stick with “Unbelievable”).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">In fact, after the Vancouver Games yours truly became like a prophet, spreading the good word to all the Shaun White haters who still assumed he was a punk because they had missed all of what I saw during the Olympics – choosing to change the channel anytime Shaun came on, because like me once, they had an unwarranted bias against him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">And then I saw the <a href="http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/2010/03/shaun-white-shirtless-rolling-stone-cover.jpg">latest Rolling Stone cover</a>. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Which jackass on his staff allowed Shaun to go shirtless, wearing a pair of blue jeans apparently made out of the American flag, while lighting a snowboard on fire and giving the Devil’s horns, on the cover of Rolling Stone? I get that it’s “Rolling Stone” – the desperately-trying-to-still-be-edgy-even-though-we’re-mainstream-pop magazine – but c’mon!!! This guy just gained a whole mess of fans in Vancouver because he showed us he was not, in fact, a cocky, redheaded, punk, and the first thing you let him do after the games is dress up like a cocky, redheaded, punk on the cover of a major magazine?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Shaun, take my advice; gather all the people responsible for the upkeep and marketing of The Shaun White brand into one big room… and fire all their asses. Then go find yourself the people who made Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods – who are by many accounts two of the cockiest, most egotistical, punks to have ever played their respective sports – into family friendly household names. And hire them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Trust me on this one.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sampling No. 3 – “The best day of the year Bock”</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I feel bad for people who live in climates where it’s warm year round.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><st1:city w:st="on">San Diego</st1:city>, <st1:city w:st="on">Miami</st1:city>, <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Phoenix</st1:place></st1:city>… residents of warm-weather cities will never have the delight of experiencing true happiness. They’ll never know pure ecstasy; real, honest-to-goodness, uncontrollable joy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">People who live in <st1:city w:st="on">Chicago</st1:city>, <st1:city w:st="on">Boston</st1:city>, <st1:city w:st="on">Minneapolis</st1:city>, <st1:state w:st="on">New York</st1:state> and <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Cleveland</st1:place></st1:city> are nodding right now, because they know exactly what I’m talking about.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">This feeling only comes once a year, usually sometime in mid-March or early April, manifesting on the first 50+ degree day of the spring.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Bill Simmons has written about this before – he calls it “Halter-top Day”, named for the young women who can be seen walking around any cold-weather city or town wearing semi-revealing blouses for the first time since late September. It’s a phenomenon that can only take place in cold-weather climates, and it just so happened to take place here in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Boston</st1:city></st1:place> this past weekend.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Literally anything can happen to me on the first warm, sunny day of the spring, and it’s just not going to phase me. Girlfriend or wife leaves me for another guy? Big deal. Dog dies? No problem. Car breaks down? I wanted to walk anyway. Pats, Celts, Sox and Bruins all decide to pack it in and move to either <st1:city w:st="on">New York City</st1:city> or <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">L.A.</st1:place></st1:city>? Good riddance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nothing can shake me out of my good mood on the best day of the year. Why? Because I can roll down my car windows again while I’m driving and pump up my stereo. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Because when I jump up to go outside and get the paper in the morning, I can toss on my old Foo Fighters t-shirt instead of a <a href="http://www.costumzee.com/users/Lana417-2563-full.gif">thermal, down-feather, 178-pound, Gortex jacket.</a></span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Because for the first time since the previous October I can feel the warmth of the sun beaming down onto my pale, sun-starved skin. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nope. Nothing can put me into a bad mood on that day, no matter how horrendous said thing may be. And that feeling doesn’t happen without the preceding four to five months of sunless, cold, wet, grey, snowy hell.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">San Diego</st1:place></st1:city>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">………………… more to come on Thursday. </span></div>-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-71782871492591475242010-02-25T16:53:00.005-05:002010-02-26T09:15:46.486-05:00U.S. Skiing's Massive Fail...<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cocowi02%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} a:link, span.MsoHyperlink {color:blue; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed {color:purple; text-decoration:underline; text-underline:single;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]-->We here at the Lager have a bone to pick. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />It’s been bothering us for two weeks now, but it finally came to a boiling point last night, and we can’t hold back any longer. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Back in December or January, or whenever it was that NBC started repeatedly bashing the American public over the skull with their Olympic coverage promos, one thing really struck us here at the Lager: Lindsey Vonn is a freakin’ BABE!!! <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />The Sports Illustrated cover, the gold medal potential… it would be fair to say we were quite smitten. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />But then the games started, and the slow sinking disappointment began to set in. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />See, the more we here at the Lager see of Lindsey, the less attractive she becomes. One could call it the Hilary Duff Corollary. When you first see Hilary Duff, much like when we first saw Vonn on NBC’s Olympic promos (because, let’s be honest, no-one gives a shit about any winter sports besides hockey outside of this quadrennial two week period, and if you had started asking random people on the street who Vonn was prior to December/November of 2009, 85% of them would have erroneously guessed she was an American Idol contestant), you think here’s a hot, blonde, all-American girl… what’s not to love. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Then, as you see more and more of Hilary (like with Lindsey), you start to notice all the little flaws: “Well, she’s always carried a few extra pounds,” “Have you seen her without makeup? It’s like night and day,” “You know what, they’re really not as big as I thought they were,” etc., etc.<span style=""> </span>For instance, <a href="http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2010/02/10/alg_lindsey_vonn_portrait.jpg">this</a> is not the same female that is pictured <a href="http://www.minnpost.com/client_files/alternate_images/2002/mp_main_wide_LindseyVonn.jpg">here</a>. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />To make things worse, as far as we here at the Lager can tell, Vonn has roughly the same emotional disposition as a piece of driftwood. She is about as interesting/personable as pre-Ambien/fire-hydrant/sex-rehab Tiger Woods. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />And she sucks at skiing to boot! <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Allow us to elaborate, clearly Vonn is a world class athlete who is capable of dominating her sport – <span style=""> </span>but in this post-Michael Phelps era, if you want to shine as an Olympian, you have to SHINE baby!!! A gold in one event, crashes that keep you off the podium in two more events (Giant Slalom and Super Combined), and a bronze in an event in which YOU<b style=""> </b>ARE THE REIGNING WORLD CHAMPION (Super-G) is simply not going to cut it. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Now, here’s where the massive fail on the part of the <st1:country-region st="on">U.S.</st1:country-region> Alpine team comes in; some brainiac marketing director behind team <st1:country-region st="on">USA</st1:country-region> decided to make Vonn the face of <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">U.S.</st1:place></st1:country-region> skiing for this Olympics… WHEN THEY HAD JULIA MANCUSO RIGHT THERE! <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Let’s examine: <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Mancuso is <a href="http://davidpaulmorris.com/content/photos/Mancuso001.jpg">HOT!</a> Really <a href="http://www.examiner.com/x-14552-Social-Media-Examiner%7Ey2010m2d18-Julia-Mancuso-sexy-photos-heat-up-Winter-Olympics-2010-SLIDESHOW">hot!</a> And she’s funny (see her tweets regarding Tiger Woods’ press conference last week), personable, and wears her heart on her sleeve when she races. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />When she won her Silver Medal in the Super Combined she was uncontrollable – rolling around on the ground at the finish line, kicking her legs in the air and screaming – and when she finished her second attempt at her not-so-spectacular first Giant Slalom run yesterday, she collapsed in a heap at the finish line like she had just been punched in the gut. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />We certainly can’t speak for the rest of the American public, but we here at the Lager enjoy it when our athletes show a little emotion. It let’s us know they’re human, and not some over-marketed, politically correct, PR-contrived hype machines. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />AND, Mancuso has managed to finish in the top-10 in all four of her events! Two Silver medals, an 8<sup>th</sup> place finish in Giant Slalom despite yesterday’s fiasco one her first run, and a 9<sup>th</sup> place finish in the Super-G. <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />Look, we get that Mancuso has performed at a higher level than expected, and Vonn at a lower level than expected – but not by a whole lot in either case. We also get that as a marketing/PR person with the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">U.S.</st1:place></st1:country-region> Olympic team, you have to market Vonn, she’s your star… BUT, why not market both of them as a pair? Aren’t two hot skiing chicks (well, one hot skiing chick and one masquerading as a hot skiing chick), both who have a chance at medaling, going to attract more viewers than one? <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />By making it all about Vonn, the U.S. Alpine team marketing people, or whoever, have made it quite difficult for U.S. fans to feel good about the U.S. ski team if Vonn isn’t performing at a high level, a dilemma that was highlighted by Mancuso’s recent comments on the subject, in which she said that, “People (athletes on the U.S. team) are having a hard time reaching their potential because it's such a struggle for attention. You come to meetings after races and it's like it's a bad day if Lindsey didn't do well." <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />This dynamic is further examined in <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/olympics/winter/2010/alpineskiing/news/story?id=4941423">this Howard Bryant piece for ESPN.com</a>, but the main point is that the U.S. Alpine Skiing team is having one of its best showings in Winter Olympic history, but the casual fan isn’t grasping that fact because all the focus from fans and media alike is on Vonn and her struggles. Why? Because that’s what was force fed to us for the last three months, Lindsey Vonn, Lindsey Vonn, Lindsey Vonn! <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />So, we here at The Lager feel for ya Julia, this Olympics should not have been the Lindsey Vonn show. So to the marketing idiot at NBC/the Team <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">U.S.A.</st1:place></st1:country-region> marketing department who screwed this one up, we would like to issue a simple “Nice job, dickhead.” <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br />And to Julia, we just want to let you know that it’s not all about Lindsey all the time, because at the very least you’ve gained a few fans, fans who normally don’t even like skiing, but who will now follow you for the rest of your career as a direct result of Vonn-fest 2010: all of us here at the Lager. -Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-369204102285033310.post-15288717910350712972010-01-16T10:58:00.002-05:002010-01-16T11:01:23.226-05:00Wacko for Who?The following is inexplicable:<br /><br />(from ESPN.com)<br /><br />_____________________________________________________<br /><h4>Getting the 'W'</h4> <p> It's not always pretty, but Ravens QB Joe Flacco knows how to win in the postseason.<br />Here is a look at his career statistics in the postseason. </p> <table> <thead> <tr><th>Opponent</th><th> Yards</th><th> TD</th><th> INT</th><th> Passer rating</th><th> W/L</th></tr> </thead> <tbody> <tr class="last"><td>Miami Dolphins</td><td> 135</td><td> 0</td><td> 0</td><td> 59.1</td><td> W</td></tr> <tr class="last"><td>Tennessee Titans</td><td> 161</td><td> 1</td><td> 0</td><td> 89.4</td><td> W</td></tr> <tr class="last"><td>Pittsburgh Steelers</td><td> 141</td><td> 0</td><td> 3 </td><td>18.2</td><td> L</td></tr> <tr class="last"><td>New England Patriots</td><td> 34</td><td> 0</td><td> 1</td><td> 10.0</td><td> W</td></tr> <tr class="last"><td class="alt-bg"><b>Totals</b></td><td class="alt-bg"> <b>471</b></td><td class="alt-bg"> <b>1</b></td><td class="alt-bg"> <b>4</b></td><td class="alt-bg"><b> 44.2 (avg.)</b></td><td class="alt-bg"> <b>3-1</b></td></tr></tbody> </table><br />________________________________________________________<br /><br />And I'm supposed to believe this guy has a shot at beating Peyton Manning and the Colts?<br /><br />Congrats to the Indianapolis Colts on another AFC Championship appearance.-Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00280098173136895286noreply@blogger.com0